I have a confession to make... As much as I preach to my peers about the importance of “keeping it real,” I Jessica Hicks failed to eat my own words… And as a result, I began feeling breathless, hopeless and just plain ol’ depressed. Oh that big D word can bring a mama downnnnn in the dark, if she lets it. Yes, I let depression bring me down to the point where my body was convulsing over a prescription drug. Somewhere in my cluttered mind, I actually hoped that this pharmaceutical drug would magically make my problems disappear. Ha ha silly me, nothing magically goes away…
I laid in my bed one sunny afternoon and cried the terror out of my heart. “What am I doing wrong?” I thought. I’m crying out to God every freeking night, BUSTING my ass to make my life go right. Putting on a fake smile, while making myself go through uncomfortable situations, so that it does go right… Yet there I was feeling the daunting symptoms of stress. Apparently I wasn’t doing it right because prayer time with God became me rehearsing my problems over and over and over again. I learned that problem rehearsal makes a disturbing performance of problems ruling your life.
So how does one make it better? Surrender my dear, surrender! Don’t run from your problems, accept them and run through them. That is when I let my problems create a beautiful masterpiece of ME! I accepted my failures for what they were and truly embraced my life for where it was. I looked back at my lifeline and became proud of myself! Don’t ever tell yourself what life is supposed to be like. Life is exactly as it should be. When my body eliminated the remnants of the prescription drug, my future became more clear. One day I heard a soft voice say, "You are a Business Woman!” Such a hard concept for ol’ me of little faith to believe. But "live the life you want," kept echoing in my mind, until it became BOLD-- LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT JESS!
Soon after that moment, I began having uncomfortable conversations. One morning I went to the billion-dollar company I’m partnered with and told a Director that I was “there for a paycheck.” It was so raw, so blunt yet so sincere. I meant no disrespect. I just had to keep it real because the lie I told them was eating me up. I’m not a liar, but when a person desperately needs a job and a good one, you’re going to say what you need to say to get it, right? In my case it was dishonest for me to let them believe that I had intentions of climbing their company ladder, when I had every intention of being there for just a moment of time. Bold move for ol’ me of little faith, but listening to that soft voice worked out for my good! We ended up renegotiating some things and just like that, one of my problems was solved!
From that point forward, I’ve made the decision to unapologetically live life on MY terms. And since I’ve made that decision, I can honestly say that I am whole-heartedly living free……… No matter how desperate you think you need something, always speak from the depth of your soul. And be confident about it. Someone once told me, “Be true to yourself.” You don’t have to dishonor yourself to say or do what you think others want to hear or see from you. When you invite dishonesty into your life, no matter how hard you try to move forward, your lie will just keep holding you back...
*I shared a piece of my personal life to inspire you. Although prescription drugs did not work for me, it may do wonders for you! Please continue to do what you feel is best for you and be a ROCKSTAR about it! -xo
